Pub Parrot

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 322

MAIDENHEAD UNITED - 1   [Williams 30]
SUTTON UNITED - 1    [Dundas 86]

Having somehow managed to extract some much unexpected Christmas cheer in the form or a point at Hampton on Boxing Day, we of course head out to Maidenhead a couple of days later with a little bit of hope in our hearts. Hope that we'll be able to take advantage of the Magpies woeful home form and record just our second win of the season.

Beavering Away On Boxing Day...

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 585

HAMPTON & RICHMOND BORO - 2    [Godfrey p9. Hodges 45]
SUTTON UNITED - 2    [Haverson 4. Wright 73]

With Saturday's vicious mugging at GGL reported and the local constabulary collaborating with colleagues in Essex to track down the 11 blokes in blue shirts responsible, we fortunately get to head into the slightly safer and less crime ridden part of the London suburbs over in Hampton for the traditional boxing day fixture.

Essex Ram Raiders

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 428

SUTTON UNITED - 0
BISHOPS STORTFORD - 1   [Pearson 90]

Sheesh, almost Christmas already.

And what a pain in the arse it is. Have you ever tried to fit in writing up some load of old pony about the exploits of a currently rubbish non-league team amongst all the eating, drinking and general merriment that you have to endure at this time of year? It's not easy I can tell you. Especially when you're a bit of a lazy bastard as well. Like me.

(Forest Green) Rover & Out

FA TROPHY 1st ROUND
ATTENDANCE : 303

SUTTON UNITED - 1   [Alimi 7]
FOREST GREEN ROVERS - 4   [Fleetwood 27. 90. Stonehouse 75. Giles 87]

Having taken two attempts to dispose of Dover in the last round, we were naturally hoping for another slightly 'easier' tie next time out to try & see if we could claim another confidence building win. Then it dawned on me. The only way we could get an easy tie in the first round was if the FA drew us against ourselves.

Vale Of Plenty

SURREY SENIOR CUP 3rd ROUND
ATTENDANCE : Not Many

RAYNES PARK VALE - 0
SUTTON UNITED - 5    [Greene p4.46. McBean 75. Dundas 83. Opara 90]

Now, I've written some fast reports before. And by fast, I mean the velocity at which I was moving when I was tapping away, not the speed with which they were actually produced and published. There's been a couple written on pretty fast trains and at least one knocked up whilst heading home at great speed as one of Windy's passengers in his motor. But this one beats 'em all.

'Stoke Stumble

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: N/A

SUTTON UNITED - 1   [Dundas 58]
BASINGSTOKE TOWN - 2   [Charles 63. 72]

Aaand we're right back where we started.

Today is the return fixture of our opening day meeting with Basingstoke, that if we're honest, kind of set the tone for the rest of the campaign so far. Another game where whilst we probably didn't deserve to lose, we didn't deserve to win either.

Dover & Out

FA TROPHY 3rd QUALIFYING ROUND REPLAY
ATTENDANCE : 314

SUTTON UNITED - 1  [Henry 57]
DOVER ATHLETIC - 0

So, has anyone checked yet? Does two consecutive draws away from home amount to a run of 'form'?? In fact, who gives a toss. When you've lost 9 straight previously, it bloody well does in our eyes.

You Don't Sound Canadian!

FA TROPHY 3rd QUALIFYING ROUND
ATTENDANCE : 721

DOVER ATHLETIC - 1   [Cloke 60]
SUTTON UNITED - 1    [McBean 30]

Thanks for the nice easy draw guys. Appreciate it. Oh wait, you actually gave us a team pissing their division and on a run of 8 or 9 straight wins didn't you? Tossers. Still, things aren't quite as bleak as they were a couple of weeks back. Since the draw was made, we've improved immensely. Firstly, we managed to keep a clean sheet for a whole 45 minutes in the second half against Hayes & Yeading (although we did admittedly concede 3 in the first half) and we actually drew that game. Yes, we got a point. A whole point. All to ourselves. For the first time in 2 months.

3-0 & You Fucked It Up!

CONFERENCE SOUTH

Att: 223

HAYES & YEADING UNITED - 3  [Scott 6. p25. Knight 33]

SUTTON UNITED - 3   [Greene 52. Dundas 73. Haverson 90]

You know, I love last minute equalisers. I really do. Probably maybe even just that little bit more than last minute winners. Yes yes, I know you generally get two more points for the latter, but I can't think of anything better than going mental on a terrace, preferably away from home, when you've just nicked that point late on, especially against the odds. The undeserved ones are the best of all.

It'll Make Your Brain(tree) Hurt

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 457

SUTTON UNITED - 0
BRAINTREE TOWN - 3    [Sullivan 10. OG 58. Archer 90]

God this is getting boring.

It's bad enough having to watch our lot at the moment, but then having to write up a match report afterwards is just downright masochistic. Like going to the dentist for root canal work, then pulling out a couple more teeth with some pliers when you get home.

It's Not Nice When You Lewes All The Time....

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 640

LEWES - 4   [Holloway 57. Griffiths 61. Davis 90. Groves 90]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

So, at last, we have another manager.

Unfortunately, it wasn't Merlin, a re-incarnation of Harry Houdini or Jesus H Christ as we'd really hoped (Apparently we couldn't afford any of 'em) and instead we went for the safer, but mildly surprising option of Ernie Howe.

Another Kick In The Thurrocks

CONFERENCE SOUTH
ATTENDANCE : 255

THURROCK - 2    [Orilonshie 35. Stadhart 37]
SUTTON UNITED - 1    [Hudson 86]

Usually, when a manager jacks it in or is sacked from a struggling side, the team he leaves behind tends to pick up in form and goes on to claim some vitally needed points. But, always keen to break the mould, the U's have managed to achieve precisely fuck all in the 2 weeks and 3 games now since Ian Hazel quit as manager.

Sutton Pier Into The Abyss

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 769

EASTBOURNE BOROUGH - 3   [Harding 29. Armstrong 31. Smart 71]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

At last, the league have seen sense and given us a Saturday trip to Eastbourne again after lumbering us with two midweek trips down in the last couple of seasons. Which was annoying as it's certainly one of my favourite away trips of the 'Conf South' era so far.

Our Cup Runneth Over

FA CUP 3rd QUALIFYING ROUND
Att : 693

LEWES - 1   [Wormull 25]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

Having scraped past the might of Woodford United in the previous round, we were a little worried what the FA Cup 3rd Qualifying round held for us.  Most sides would probably ask for a 'winnable tie', probably at home. Problem is, there's aren't many ties left in there that we'd consider winnable right now.

Post-Haze At Hayes Lane

CONFERENCE LEAGUE CUP
ATTENDANCE : 309

BROMLEY - 2   [Williams 45. Wood 55]
SUTTON UNITED - 1    [Watkins 47]

So, we're managerless then.  Obviously having mulled over the situation following the somewhat less than impressive showing at home to Weston on the Saturday, Ian Hazel did the decent thing and fell on his sword first thing Monday morning. Which means we're going into this two-bob meaningless Setanta Shield tie at Bromley with his former assistant Stuart Massey and ex-U's midfielder Mickey Stephens at the helm.

End Of The Line?

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 397

SUTTON UNITED - 0
WESTON-SUPER-MARE - 3    [Hopkins 15. 26. Wilson 57]

It was probably the game at Weston back in late August provided an early glimpse of the misery that was to follow as we stumbled from league defeat to league defeat. Comfortably beaten 3-0 thanks to a really rather lacklustre performance, which was made all the worse thanks to the time & distance travelled.

The Woodford 15

FA CUP 2nd QUALIFYING ROUND REPLAY
ATTENDANCE : 147

WOODFORD UNITED - 0
SUTTON UNITED - 2    [Watkins 76. 85]

Hello. And welcome to part two of the delightful tale that is Sutton United versus Woodford United in the FA Cup. Brought to you live from the 18.10 Virgin Trains service from Reading to Banbury (Stopping at Oxford only) in association with West Cornwall Pasties and Incrediblyshitfootball.com

Spoiler Alert!

FA CUP 2nd QUALIFYING ROUND
ATTENDANCE : 293

SUTTON UNITED - 1   [Greene 1]
WOODFORD UNITED - 1    [Burnham p86]

Welcome to another high speed match report! No, that doesn't mean I actually got off my arse and did it on a Sunday for a change. It refers to the fact that I'm writing this while on the train on my way to the replay 48 hours later. Which kind of fucks up the ending a bit, but hey, what do I care?

So er, yeah, spoiler alert!

80 Good, 20 Bad.

CONFERENCE SOUTH
ATTENDANCE : 431

CAMBRIDGE CITY - 4    [Midgely 70. Gash 73. 90. Chaffey 75]
SUTTON UNITED - 1   [Gonsalves 10]

So, we're officially bottom then.  Still, despite the fact we've been shite for the majority of the past 4-5 years, it's a position I'm really not used to seeing the U's occupy. And I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.

Two For The Price Of One...

CONFERENCE SOUTH
ATTENDANCE : 370

SUTTON UNITED - 1   [McBean 59]
HAYES & YEADING UNITED - 2     [Collins 75. Hendry p86]

After Saturdays limp performance in some far flung European outpost  called Wales, which was so poor it literally made Mrs C sick (no really! It had nothing to do with the 342 southern comforts sunk in the course of the afternoon at all!) the last thing we needed was to have to face two sides at once.

It Makes You Sick...

CONFERENCE SOUTH
ATTENDANCE : 853

NEWPORT COUNTY - 2   [Bowen 25. Griffin 79]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

This weeks fun foray into the far flung points of Conference South .....oops, I mean 'Blue Square South' is our one trip 'abroad' as it were. We're off to Newport and a jaunt over the Severn Bridge into Wales.

Magpies Flutter Off With All 3...

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 434

SUTTON UNITED - 1  [McBean 23]
DORCHESTER TOWN - 3    [Docker 6. Henry (13. 90]

Another Saturday, another game. To be honest, this Blue Square malarkey ain't much different to that old Conference South stuff really. We're not doing very well, can't defend for toffee and look in for another 9 frustrating months gifting points to sides who we really shouldn't.  Call me mad if you want, but I reckon it's still the same league. They've just changed the name, that's all.

That's A Pleasant Surprise!

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 640

EASTLEIGH - 1    [Oliver 85]
SUTTON UNITED - 2    [Montague 36. 68]

Today is a first for me. My first ever trip to Eastleigh.  For whatever reason, I've not been able to make the last two trips to this little place by Southampton Airport, fortunately it seems, as those 2 results have produced two apparently frustrating defeats and no goals scored in our favour. Oh dear.

Crashing By The Coast

CONFERENCE SOUTH
ATTENDANCE : 239

WESTON-SUPER-MARE - 3  [Hopkins 6. 44. Smith 79]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

Ah, the first weekender of the season!

Weston away has always proved to be a really quite drunken affair, with even a couple of wins thrown in for good measure. The last 2 visits in fact have produced 3 points, the most memorable being Luke Cornwall's late winner to give us a first away win in 9 months 2 seasons ago, that sent us out into the town centre for our evening out in a more than agreeable mood.

Ravens Rally Late

CONFERENCE SOUTH
ATTENDANCE : 702

SUTTON UNITED - 2   [Watkins 36. McBean 82]

BROMLEY - 2   [Hockton p18. Moore 84]

When you're still searching for your first goal of the campaign, having a rather well funded opponent visiting your place doesn't exactly fill your heart with hope. Still, with a 'tasty' history of 22 man brawls, red cards and mutual dislike amongst the supporters a visit from our old Isthmian foes Bromley is at least never what you'd call 'boring'.

Nought So Far...

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 443

SUTTON UNITED - 0
ST ALBANS CITY - 0

With Saturday's less than satisfactory performance and one of the crew already left behind on an away trip, it could be said we've had a somewhat less than cracking start to this 'Blue Square South' campaign. Thus we're not sure if we really want to be getting a chance to put things right a couple of days later. But sadly, we must and we prepare to receive our old friends from St Albans at GGL for our first home game.

Dragons Do The Slaying...

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 641

BASINGSTOKE TOWN - 1   [Fitzgerald 76]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

After a reasonable pre-season that got us all a little confident that we'd be able to progress further this season, fate has naturally delivered a nice swift kick in the spuds when the real action starts and we go into our opening day fixture at Basingstoke missing pretty much half a side, including all of the front line we'd been pinning our hopes on.

A Stroll By The River Mole

PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY
Att: N/A

LEATHERHEAD - 0
SUTTON UNITED - 2   [Watkins 3. McBean 24]

And so we come to the final friendly. Our now almost customary trip down to Fetcham Grove in Leatherhead to meet the Tanners. A venue that not matter how crap the weather has been recently, always seems to host our visit in bright sunshine and 100 degree heat.

Taking the Lions Share...

PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY
Att:N/A

SUTTON UNITED - 0
MILLWALL - 2   [James 64. Noel 78]

After saturdays somewhat straightforward win over a rather poor Brentford outfit, we were hoping that Millwall's XI would present a somewhat stiffer test. Our side is boosted by the addition of two loan signings from Saturdays oppo.

Bees Stung

PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY
Att : 427

SUTTON UNITED - 3  [Watkins 35. McBean 65. 82]
BRENTFORD - 1   [Ide 68]

With the weather remaining somewhat shit and the quite ridiculous decision made at lunchtime to switch the Windsor game from their Stag Meadow ground to some field the other side of town, your less than intrepid reporter changed his mind with regards to attending and instead decided to avoid said match like the fucking plague.

Whyteleafe? In Pre-Season? Never!

PRE SEASON FRIENDLY
Att: N/A

WHYTELEAFE - 0
SUTTON UNITED - 3  [Garness 41. McBean 63. Watkins 70]

Having missed the opening friendly with Walton due to holidays and then the Dulwich game being washed out (A waterlogged pitch? In July? WTF?), I find myself in the unusual position of not having seen a pre-season match going into the final week of July.

Braintree Boredom

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 485

SUTTON UNITED - 0
BRAINTREE TOWN - 0

Having fought back from 2 down at Yeading on tuesday, it seems as if the lads have finally got a little bit of confidence flowing back through their veins. 6-7 months ago, we'd probably have gone on to get done 3 or 4-0 in that situation. So that's something.

Down The Rabbit Hole

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 167

YEADING - 2  [Morgan p9. Healy 37]
SUTTON UNITED - 2    [McBean 38. Tanner 90]

If you visit these pages often, you'd be well aware We're really not fans of this part of the world. In fact, we'd go so far as to declare Hayes and Yeading are two of our least favourite Conference South destinations.

Makes You Sick....Well, Chalmers Anyway

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 704

BASINGSTOKE TOWN - 0 
SUTTON UNITED - 2    [Scarborough 23. Gaynor 88]

Back to action for ol' Taz this weekend having missed last weeks clash with Bedford having been on the pish down in Bournemouth. And boy is it a biggie.

Basingstoke away.

Champagne Football & Squeaky Bums

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 403

CAMBRIDGE CITY - 2    [Midgely 46. Gash 68]
SUTTON UNITED - 3   [Tanner 8. Gray 21. Quinton 22]

It's a much anticipated awayday this week, with the crew heading up to Cambridge, the scene of a disgustingly drunken last day trip in the inaugural Conf South season. The stupidity of which can be sampled in the pictures elsewhere on the site.

Good Ol’ Fashioned 1-0 Hammering

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 518

SUTTON UNITED - 1  [Quinton 22]
HAYES - 0

It's saturday. And you know what that means. Taz has to go out and buy a new fucking iron, thats what! 'Cos he broke his old one when he knocked it off the ironing board on Wednesday.

Same Old Same Old

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 375

SUTTON UNITED - 2  [McBean 20. Gray 24]
EASTLEIGH - 2  [Forbes 11. Watts 53]

With saturdays trip to high flying Stortford out of the way, the U's have the opportunity to get thier stuttering campaign back on track and go some way to hauling themselves away from the drop zone with a run of 4 games against sides immediately below them.

Whale Song

CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att: 516

BISHOP'S STORTFORD - 3  [Porter.12 Edwards.58 Morgan.83]
Sutton United - 2   [McBean.43 Alimi.78]

After a somewhat frustrating and really quite dull 2 week break from Conference South action, the U's were back on the road with a trip to surprise league leaders Bishop's Stortford.