Blankety Blank

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 719

SUTTON UNITED - 0
BEDFORD TOWN - 0

After the disappointment of the Boxing Day defeat at Aldershot, it was back to GGL and the visit of mid-table Bedford. A chance to get the recent good run back on track perhaps?

Crap Christmas

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 2564

ALDERSHOT TOWN - 3   [D’Sane 6.83. OG 24]
SUTTON UNITED - 2   [Fowler 56.88]

If there’s ever a reason NOT to believe in the old, fat bastard in a red suit that kids refer to as ‘Santa Claus’, you just have to watch our lot on Boxing Day. Where wins, let alone decent performances are hard to find. And to think, we all wrote our letters and stood in line for his grotto in Allders. The fat bastard. Didn't bring us that Scalextric we asked for either.

Chesham's Matt Finish

BRYCO CUP 2nd ROUND REPLAY
Att: 71

CHESHAM UNITED - 2 [Matata 46. Fontonelle 109]
SUTTON UNITED - 3 [Fowler 55. Corbett 108. Gray 112]

Match Reporter: Bob

After the ‘burgled’ and ‘bungled’ first attempt to play this fixture and with the hierarchy’s gutless decision to do anything about it, the result is another long midweek trip to Chesham to play out this second round of the Bryco cup.

Heady Heights!

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 293

HAMPTON & RICHMOND BOROUGH - 1  [Thompson 33]
SUTTON UNITED - 3  [Watson 18. Akuamouah 61. Gray 77]

Our recent run of matches against struggling sides came to an end on Saturday with the short trip to Hampton.

Scrap Iron

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 252

BRAINTREE TOWN - 0
SUTTON UNITED - 1   [Fowler 68]

This weeks report is a first here on Gandermonium. No I won’t be leaving out swearing, or tales of mindless drinking. Nope. Much more earth shattering than that.

'Stoking The Trophy Flame

FA TROPHY 2ND ROUND
Att: 529

BASINGSTOKE TOWN - 0 
SUTTON UNITED - 2 [Fowler 32.75]

Oh happy happy joy joy. It’s the FA Trophy again. And a trip to Basingstoke. Hmmmm...

Thou Shalt Not Pass!

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 491

SUTTON UNITED - 2  [Bailey 80. Fowler 85]
BISHOPS STORTFORD - 1  [Paul 21]

Following our scraped win over struggling Boreham Wood on Saturday, another side hanging around the lower reaches rolled into town last night and once again, the U’s won through, but once more the manner of the victory was somewhat...er...unconvincing.

Leaving It Late...Again

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 506

SUTTON UNITED - 3  [Palmer 25. Bolt 33. Bailey 88]
BOREHAM WOOD - 2  [Forrester 9.48]

Following on from Tuesdays....*ahem*.......interesting events up in Buckinghamshire, we returned to boring old league action with the visit of Boreham Wood. With all the dodgy weather recently, this one was touch and go, but after a 1pm pitch inspection, we’re on.

We Wuz Robbed. Literally!

BRYCO CUP 2nd ROUND
Att: N/A

CHESHAM UNITED - 2 [Kandol 35.37]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

Match Abandoned @ HT due to Dressing Room Break In!

Just how do you describe this one?

Budgie Bashing

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 487

SUTTON UNITED - 3  [Bolt 21.42. Honey 84]
HITCHIN TOWN - 1  [Drew 7]

The U’s performance at Hitchin about a month ago was a big disappointment, as it could be described as our first truly arse 90 minutes of what has so far been an encouraging season. Of course, we had to go and ‘better’ it at Basingstoke 7 days later, but that's another story!

A Homer? For Us? Too Kind!

FA TROPHY 1ST ROUND
Att: 332

SUTTON UNITED - 2 [Corbett 35. Bolt 70]
HARROW BOROUGH - 1 [McGavin 61]

Match Reporter: Chalmers

With Dan away “entertaining” a couple of young Austrian ladies this weekend, Chalmers, as I’ve become affectionately known (There's nothing affectionate about it, it's your surname you twat - Taz), has been mugged into passing on the benefit of my wisdom, if I have such a thing!

A Rarity!

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 101

ENFIELD - 1  [Armstrong 25]
SUTTON UNITED - 4  [Gonsalves 23. Corbett 45. Bolt p60. Watson 77]

The U’s bounced back from their disappointing home defeat to St Albans with a 4-1 away win at Enfield. An unusual event in itself as we rarely get sod all against our old North London rivals.

Remember Remember, The 5th of November

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 412

SUTTON UNITED - 2  [Gonsalves 38. OG 76]
ST ALBANS CITY - 4   [Smith 9.12.46.  Challinor 90]

Missing saturdays Trophy win (why do this lot ALWAYS win when I’m not around? Bastards!) whilst I was doing a rather iffy impression of a tour guide in London coupled with the following week off work threw poor ol’ Taz’s beer sodden brain into total confusion when it came to our home match with St Albans.

Long Slippery Slope?

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 367

BASINGSTOKE TOWN - 1   [McCallister 70]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

Until 2 seasons ago, the U’s had a enviable record at Basingstoke. Never having lost at the Camrose.

Un-Don(e)

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 437

SUTTON UNITED - 2   [Bailey 8. Bolt 32]
HENDON - 3  [Forbes 22. Towler 45. Ofori 90]

After the rather lacklustre performance at Hitchin on Saturday, another challenge arose with the visit of high flying Hendon to GGL. Now, before I go into the events of this evenings game, let me just once more touch on the subject of match officials in the Ryman. Yes, yes, I know we’re always bitching about just how poor they are, but this is slightly different.

Bloody Budgies

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 445

HITCHIN TOWN - 2   [Fontenelle 36. Ayres 48]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

Ah, Hitchin. The place where our season began last year. With our first win some 12 games in, towards the end of September. Thankfully, this season has started a tad more pleasingly with the U’s suffering only 2 defeats so far and occupying the dizzy heights of the top 6. But with the lads having had 2 weeks off following the Hayes match, would they be able to keep the momentum going against a side on a decent run of form?

Last Gasp

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 394

HAYES - 2  [Warner 9. Hodges 24]
SUTTON UNITED - 2  [Bailey 68. Folwer 90]

Following on from tuesday’s FA Cup exit, todays trip to in form Hayes would be a toughie. Unbeaten in their last 5 matches, including a 3-0 thumping of early title challengers, St Albans told us all we needed to know!

Third Time Unlucky?

FA CUP 2nd QUALIFYING ROUND REPLAY
Att: 385

SUTTON UNITED - 1 [Fowler 29]
HEYBRIDGE SWIFTS - 2 [Rainford 40. Abrahams 78]

Having watched the U’s for some time now, I naturally would find it hard to walk away and stop watching ‘em. But recently, it’s becoming harder and harder to bear attending matches.

A Swift Return

FA CUP 2nd QUALIFYING ROUND 
Att: 310

HEYBRIDGE SWIFTS - 1 [Hunter 73]
SUTTON UNITED - 1 [Watson 24]

Match Reporter: Bob

What could be worse than playing Heybridge away midweek? That’s right having to go back to the sodding place 4 days later in the F.A. cup! Cheers guys.

A Swift Response

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 208

HEYBRIDGE SWIFTS - 1   [Culverhouse 44]
SUTTON UNITED - 3   [Bolt 45. Fowler 65. Bailey 89]

The U’s headed out to the wilds of Essex last night for the first instalment of this double header against those purveyors of quality football and sportsmanship, Heybridge Swifts.

A L'Orange.

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 588

SUTTON UNITED - 3   [Corbett 37. Bolt 44. Bailey 89]
AYLESBURY UNITED - 2 [Bangura 32. Ibe 88.]

For the first time this season, the U’s recorded back to back wins with this ever so close victory over Aylesbury at GGL. Just as impressive is the 5 wins and a draw from our 6 home games so far.

Heartbreak Hotel

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 299

PURFLEET - 0  
SUTTON UNITED - 2 [Fowler 37. Watson 82]

Ok, hands up everyone who thought this season was going to be pony? That many? Wow.

Honours Even

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 821

SUTTON UNITED - 1   [Gonsalves 34]
KINGSTONIAN - 1 [Wingfield 45]

After the excitement of Tuesday’s rousing comeback, what better to bring you all back to earth but a disappointing local encounter?

Textbook Bog Break Assist

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 484

SUTTON UNITED - 3   [Fowler 68.81. Bolt p45]
CHESHAM UNITED - 2  [Dogbe 32. Hunterp44]

With Saturday’s defeat at Billericay signalling one of the U’s least effective performances of the season, there was a hope that the lads would bounce back in similar fashion to the loss at Bedford, with Harrow getting a good 3-0 slap 2 days later.

Wakey Wakey!

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 559

BILLERICAY TOWN - 2   [Essandoh 3. Graham 5]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

You’re a Ryman League manager. Your mainly young team has made a promising start to the season and you’re looking to improve the side. What do you do?

Useless Ford Scrapped

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 463

SUTTON UNITED - 4   [Bolt 29. Watson 58.77. OG 81]
FORD UNITED - 1 [Begeda 44]

The U’s picked up their 3rd home win from 3 last night with another solid performance bringing a satisfying 4-1 win over Premier Division newcomers, Ford United.

Bargain Bucket

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION - 31/8/2002
Att: 779

CANVEY ISLAND - 1  [Duffy 18]
SUTTON UNITED - 1   [Bolt 11]

With Sutton’s surprisingly decent start to the season still baffling us just a tadge, we headed to Canvey optimistic of nicking something.

Back On track

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 491

SUTTON UNITED - 3   [Fowler 63. Hodges 69. Watson 77]
HARROW BOROUGH - 0

After the somewhat annoying end to Saturday's encounter, it was important for the U’s to bounce back this bank holiday Monday with a home fixture against early relegation favourites, Harrow Borough.

White Linen Suit

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 558

BEDFORD TOWN - 2   [Harrison 65.70]
SUTTON UNITED - 1  [Fowler 34]

Ahh, Bedford away. That’ll be a drink up then?

What's A Clean Sheet Again?

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 329

GRAYS ATHLETIC - 0
SUTTON UNITED - 0

Hang on hang on. Lets just take a second here so I can get this straight. We’ve played 2 games so far, got 4 points AND kept 2 clean sheets??

Really?? Fuck me!

Stick It Up The Beavers

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 543

SUTTON UNITED - 1  [Watson 29]
HAMPTON & RICHMOND BOROUGH - 0

So, here it is at last. The opening day of the season. Not exactly a day we’ve been waiting for with baited breath if we’re honest!

Lessons In Finishing. #145

PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY
Att: N/A

SUTTON UNITED - 1 [Bolt 71]
CRYSTAL PALACE XI - 5 [Williams 9.16.28.73. Surrey47]

Oooooh bugger. Thats it. The end of this praticising lark. We’ve got to do it for real next week!

Well Done, You Won One...

PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY
Att: N/A

BOBBINS - 3 [Webb 50.60. Williams 61]
SUTTON UNITED - 1 [Hanlan 45]

So to our penultimate fixture of what has proved to be a slightly....ahem!......’disappointing’ pre-season program. A meeting with the seemingly revitalised scummy tossers from up the road.

On My Command, Unleash Beer!

PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY
Att: N/A

LEWES - 3  [Dicker. Davis. Green]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

The lack of seaside trips in the Ryman Premier helps make the average season rather less interesting. Ok, we have good pissup opportunities in St Albans and Bedford, but there’s nowt like getting trashed by the sea.

A Stroll In The Park...

PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY
Att: N/A

TOOTING & MITCHAM UNITED - 2 [Dack. Onochie]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

The U’s turned in easily their worst pre-season performance yesterday with this ever so lacklustre run out at the Old Cranleighans hockey club in Thames Ditton.

Anyone Got Any Players?

PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY
Att: N/A

CHERTSEY TOWN - 2 [Burton 27. Lewis 62]
SUTTON UNITED - 3 [Corbett 15. Watson 22. 30]

Another day, another pre-season friendly.

Only One Way To Deal With A Mole...

PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY
Att: N/A

MOLESEY - 1 [Wright 22]
SUTTON UNITED - 2 [Watson p51.72]

An’ tha’s to blow ‘is bloody ‘ead orf!

Broken Brighton Rock

PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY
Att: N/A

SUTTON UNITED - 0
BRIGHTON & H A - 1 [Melton 51]

The U’s pre-season programme continued last night with the second visit of a Nationwide 1st Division side this week with Brighton this time providing the opposition.

Out Foxed

PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY
Att: 765

SUTTON UNITED - 0
LEICESTER CITY - 4 [Rogers 42. Oakes p63. Stevenson 68. Dickov 85]

After the AFC Wimbledon party last week, it was back to the pre-season norm for the U’s tonight against 1st Division Leicester City. A sparse crowd watching our lot pretty much outclassed against a very strong professional line up.

Slay The Dragon

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 440

SUTTON UNITED - 2  [Gray 70. Mison 84]
GRAYS ATHLETIC - 2  [Abraham 89. Fiddes 90]

Match Reporter: Chalmers

Happy St George’s Day!

Tale Of 2 Pens

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 808

CANVEY ISLAND - 1  [Tilson p45]
SUTTON UNITED - 1  [Haworth 62]

Going to Canvey late in the season was always marked down as a tough one.

Red Socks

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 213

ST ALBANS CITY - 2  [Martin 42. Evans 52]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

Plans for a report based around a good old fashioned all day drinking binge were cosigned to the bin when St Albans thoughtlessly got themselves suspended from playing a week before our visit after their creditors got a bit arsey earlier this season.

Sarcastic Postcard

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: N/A

SUTTON UNITED - 0
PURFLEET - 0

After the fun of Tuesday night and Eddie’s late equaliser, we’re still no more confident of exactly where the next U’s goal is going to come from.

He's Not Kingston Anymore

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 762

KINGSTONIAN - 1  [Sills 43]
SUTTON UNITED - 1 [Akuamouah 86]

Typical, you wait months for your Ryman League designated ‘derby’ fixture and then 2 come along in the space of 8 days. Oooooh the excitement. In fact we’re almost whipped into a frenzy of anticipation for this return fixture after the enthralling 0-0 draw at GGL on Easter Monday.

Taxi To Maldon

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 207

HEYBRIDGE SWIFTS - 2  [Budge 31. Windows 33]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

Now the last thing you want when you’re living out the final stages of mid-table mediocrity in a largely disappointing season and haven’t scored for 4.5 games is a trip to deepest Essex and Heybridge bloody Swifts.

Blank Holiday Monday

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 949

SUTTON UNITED - 0
KINGSTONIAN - 0

The U’s made it 4 and a half games without a goal with their (surprisingly) first 0-0 draw of the season against near neighbours Kingstonian at Gander Green Lane on Monday. Which if you’d asked, we could’ve told you in advance it would happen. ‘Cos we’d decided as much over pints on Saturday night.

Not An Asian Student

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 271

CHESHAM UNITED - 2  [Andrews 14.50]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

The U’s slipped too their third straight defeat yesterday with another lacklustre performance this weekend. It also meant they’ve now gone around 315 minutes since last registering a goal. The only plus point was the appearance of some more of the club's promising youngsters in the line up, but sadly it now seems with the seasons end in sight and nowt to play for, we’re relying on them to carry the team for the remainder rather than bring them on in stages alongside the slightly more experienced lads.

Shot Our Bolt

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 1618

ALDERSHOT TOWN - 1  [Browne 41]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

No, not our left footed ex-midfielder silly. Just another baaad pun on my part. But while we’re on the subject of Mr Bolt, I was pleased to hear of his midweek switch to title chasing Canvey. Feels good to be wearing a yellowy type shirt again eh Dan? Not like those silly hoops. Hoops are fattening anyway, everyone knows that.

Che Goal-vara

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 689

SUTTON UNITED - 0
GRAVESEND & NORTHFLEET - 1  [Stadhart 30]

A real test awaited the U’s this afternoon with the visit of title chasing Gravesend.

Fast Food Failure

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 453

SUTTON UNITED - 2  [Wingfield 16. Gray p38]
HENDON - 1  [Butler 85]

Having recovered from the serious eye strain picked up at Croydon on Saturday, it was nice to get back to GGL and at least be within 20 miles of the pitch.

Hubble Telescope

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 175

CROYDON - 1  [McDonnell 31]
SUTTON UNITED - 2  [Akuamouah 30. Fowler 64]

Oh yes. The highlight of our season so far. The one we’ve all been waiting for. Away to Croydon.

Toot Toot, Season's Over!

SURREY SENIOR CUP 5th ROUND
Att; 247

SUTTON UNITED - 0
TOOTING & MITCHAM UNITED - 3 [Onochie 7. Webb 87. Kane 90]

And lo, for the 3rd frigging season running, the U’s nosedive out of the Surrey Senior cup to a team from a division below us. Thus killing stone dead any further interest this season.

Double or Nothing

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 531

SUTTON UNITED - 2  [Haworth 40. Akuamouah p62]
HITCHIN TOWN - 4  [Nolan 14.28. Bremmam 34. Drew 85]

Back in September, at the 11th attempt, Sutton finally won their first league match of the season at the expense of Hitchin.

Toilet Vantage Point

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 159

ENFIELD - 2  [Allen 15. Georgiou 45]
SUTTON UNITED - 2  [Haworth 18. Corbett 81]

Enfield has never been a great trip for us.

We've Come A Long Way

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 557

SUTTON UNITED - 2  [Wingfield 46. Corbett 84]
BASINGSTOKE TOWN - 1  [Eaton 6]

The away game at Basingstoke was defiantely one of the lowest points of the 1st half of the season. A pathetic 3-0 defeat which left us propping up the table.

Home Game Hangover

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 498

SUTTON UNITED - 2  [Timothy 83. Mison 84]
MAIDENHEAD UNITED - 1  [Saunders 40]

Feeling somewhat fragile after the previous evenings brave yet fruitless attempt to sample every single beer on offer at the Battersea Festival, yours truly was a tadge glad that today was a home game.

One Lost Brolly

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 480

BEDFORD TOWN - 0
SUTTON UNITED - 1  [Corbett 52]

Ah, at last. We finally get to visit a town that has more than 1 pub.

Go West(field)...

SURREY SENIOR CUP 4th ROUND
Att: 161

SUTTON UNITED - 2  [Haworth 40. Akuamouah 79]
WESTFIELD - 0

After 2 weeks of inaction (and boredom!) the U’s returned to action against Combined Counties side Westfield in the Surrey Senior Cup and with our last performance being that freaky 7-1 gubbing by Grays in the League Cup, we were looking forwards to a chance to regain some confidence by spanking a few past our lowly oppo tonight.

Unlucky Seven

RYMAN LEAGUE CUP 3rd ROUND
Att: 203

SUTTON UNITED - 1 [Haworth 41]
GRAYS ATHLETIC - 7 [Thomas 18.58.63. Cooper 47.51. Fletcher 57. Morgan 76]

Yes, yes, you read it right. 7-1. So with that, I think we can safely say our involvement in this year's Ryman League Cup is probably at an end....

Not So Rosy For 'Ricay

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 570

SUTTON UNITED - 2  [Wingfield 16. Haworth p41]
BILLERICAY TOWN - 2  [Woolsey 11. Opinel 59]

After last weeks annihilation of Harrow, this game was always going to be a bit tougher.

Six Of The Best

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 262

HARROW BOROUGH - 1  [Valenti 11]
SUTTON UNITED - 6  [Akuamouah 9.50.80. Haworth p46. Wingfield 53. Brown 76]

Ahhh, at last. Some bloody football.