Merry Christmas. Just About!

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 1064

BOBBINS – 0      
SUTTON UNITED – 1  [Thompson 30]

Well, here it is. The big one. The game that muggins here always seems to have to travel approx 200 miles to witness, only to usually see an pretty crap game of ‘football’.

Title Contenders? Who Said That?

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 574

SUTTON UNITED – 1  [Bolt]
HEYBRIDGE SWIFTS – 2  [Lee. Parker]

Match reporter: Chalmers

The last game before Xmas. Tis’ the season to be jolly and all that crap.

The geezer who came up with that one can’t have been a U’s fan. There’s been hardly anything jolly about watching ‘em this season

Dull, Negative & A Hint Of Boredom

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 477

BASINGSTOKE TOWN - 1  [Gorman 90]
SUTTON UNITED – 0  

Oh goody. Just what you need after 4 weeks without a footy fix. A trip to bloody Basingstoke.

FULL Members Remember!

RYMAN FULL MEMBERS CUP 2nd ROUND
Att: 194

SUTTON UNITED – 2  [Bolt 50.70]
CROYDON – 2  [Unknown 35. Garland 72]

After Extra-Time. Sutton win 4-3 on penalties.

Oh bugger it. I had to open my big gob didn't I? I comment on never having reported on a penalty shoot out for the site. Obligingly, the lads went and bloody well supplied another one for me!! Er, cheers?

FTFC? No comment!

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 644

SUTTON UNITED - 1  [Bolt 52]
FARNBOROUGH TOWN – 0

Report by Chalmers

Home games are not the easiest to write about for this site. For away games you don’t just find out about what happened in the game (Do they? First I’ve bloody heard of it! - Taz), you find about how pissed we got, what pubs we got pissed in  and who made an arse of themselves while pissed. You get the idea...

Absolutely Bloody Terra-ble

FA TROPHY 1st ROUND
Att: 704

WEYMOUTH - 2  [Unknown 30.44]
SUTTON UNITED – 1  [Boothe 70]

Another trip to the seaside for us pissheads to enjoy. Whoopee!  Weymouth, the scene of the infamous trolley/cone/ local plod encounter 2 years ago. Oh and beer. Lots and lots of beer.

Trams Derailed

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 584

SUTTON UNITED - 2  [Haworth 6. Bolt p43]
CROYDON - 1  [McDonnel 67]

Last time we met Croydon was last season in the Surrey Senior Cup at their place. With the U’s at probably their lowest ebb, the ‘Trams’ recorded a 2-0 win on their way to the final. Then they gave us Darren Broderick. The sick bastards.

What Have The Romans Ever Done For Us?

FA CUP 3rd QUALIFYING ROUND
Att: 892

BATH CITY - 3  [Bloke 3.) Holloway 47. Geezer 90]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

Well, after disposing of the mighty Littlehampton in the previous round we were ever so slightly ‘chuffed’ to get DML premier side Bath City in the next round. That’ll be us out then.

Sutton In Performance Enhancing Drugs Shocker

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 566

BILLERICAY TOWN – 0     
SUTTON UNITED - 5 [Boothe 7. Thompson 17.51. Harlow 26. Bolt 86]

Yep, drugs. That’s got to be it! It’s the only reasonable explanation for the storming performance that brought about Billericay's first home defeat of the season.

Much Piddling In The Marsh

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 420

DULWICH HAMLET - 2  [Perkins 53.90]
SUTTON UNITED – 1  [Panter 75]

Match Reporter: Bob

Change of reporter this week!! (What? Again??) With me visiting the missus at Uni in Stoke and Chalmers stuck at work with the early kick off stopping him attending, match report duties were handed over to Bob. He duly accepted his responsibility and got on with the job (after numerous threats of varying degrees of violence).

Sutton Shine By The Sea

FA CUP 2nd QUALIFYING ROUND
Att: 396

LITTLEHAMPTON TOWN - 0    
SUTTON UNITED - 5  [Forrester 46. Thompson 47.89. Bolt 70. Sears 83] 

Uh oh, it’s one of those cup game things against a side from a much lower division. This could end in tears.

This Is Getting Silly

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 452

ST ALBANS CITY - 0     
SUTTON UNITED - 1  [Thompson 90]

Zzzzzzzzz, eh whassat?? Mmmm, sorry, must have dropped off there for a bit. I was just thinking back to yesterdays game and kind of nodded off. Strange that, can’t think why.

Ooooh Look. A draw.

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 468

SUTTON UNITED - 1  [Hodson 88]
SLOUGH TOWN - 1  [Deaner 30]

Yeah, our not-so-conquering heroes did it again. Another point gained when it really should have been 3.

Come On You U’szzzzzzzzz...

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 503

SUTTON UNITED - 2  [Forrester 40. Thompson 90]
PURFLEET – 2  [Coombs 4. Georgiou 44]

So, whats next after getting dumped out of the league cup by a bunch of Amateurs?? Ahh, yes, a visit from an agricultural Essex side. Lovely, can’t wait.

Casual? That’s One Word For It...

RYMAN LEAGUE CUP 1st ROUND
Att: 166

CORINTHIAN CASUALS - 1  [Watney 70]
SUTTON UNITED – 0

Another word you could use would be "Shite". Most likely preceded by "A complete load of fucking gutless..."

Same Shit, Different Day

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 499

GRAVESEND & NORTHFLEET - 2  [Hegley 80. Booth 84]
SUTTON UNITED – 2  [OG 29. Nartey 79]

What is it with this place in bloody Kent?? Every time we come here, we play like utter wankers, performing like we’ve never even seen a football, let alone kicked one before.

Pesky Rodents

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 564

SUTTON UNITED - 2  [Bolt 33.78]
HAMPTON & RICHMOND BORO - 2  [Williams 42. Simpson 87]

Look, I don’t care what you say, they just are ok. Rodents with big squashed tails.

Sorry! We Didn’t Go!

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 302

GRAYS ATHLETIC – 1  [Hazel 8]
SUTTON UNITED - 2  [Nartey 65. Sears 81]

Sorry folks, Taz was in Paris for the England game. So was Bob. Chalmers, who was also meant to be going, unfortunately ended up in St Helier hospital on Wednesday afternoon with a nasty stomach complaint.

Somebody Call The Police!

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 370

HENDON - 0
SUTTON UNITED - 1  [Ekoku 90]

Considering that Hendon is the home of the Metropolitan Police’s ‘training college’, then the Sutton team should think themselves lucky they didn't find the local plod feeling their collective collar for commiting a rather nasty bank holiday mugging in nearby Cricklewood.

Identity Crisis

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 652

SUTTON UNITED - 0     
CANVEY ISLAND – 1 [Vaughan 47]

Ah you bastards. After the flowing football of Tuesday night, we thought that an entertaining &  competitive game might possibly also ensue today. But sadly we were wrong. It was the second rate 5-3-2/3-5-2 ‘scared of our opponents/un-adventurous’ shite that saw us relegated last season that greeted us at GGL instead. Shame. 

Bolt Out Of The Blue

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 645

SUTTON UNITED - 2    Bolt (17) Salako (78)
BASINGSTOKE TOWN - 0   

I’m back!! Yep ol’ Taz has resumed match reporting duties having missed the Mighty U’s 1-1 opening day draw at Aldershot whilst shopping with the missus in Grimsby. How can you tell?? Well, the fucking report is here isn’t it!! (Chalmers!).

First Shot Fired

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 2547

ALDERSHOT TOWN - 1  [Protheroe 23]
SUTTON UNITED - 1  [Salako 76]

At last! Stand in reporter, Mr Chalmers has finally delivered his report for Saturday' game. Not bad, only the FOUR days late!!! This had better be good Paul...

Us Score? You Gotta Be Kidd(y)ing Me!

NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE
Att: 579

SUTTON UNITED – 0
KIDDERMINSTER HARRIERS – 3   [Barnett 10, Marsh 31, Hadley 83]

Well, lets face it, are the U’s actually going to manage just ONE more goal for us long suffering fans this season or are they just gonna bale out on the season and leave us waiting all over the summer for the next chance to celebrate a U’s strike?

Ross Is Back. Sadly.

NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE
Att: 601

SUTTON UNITED – 0          
DOVER ATHLETIC – 1   [OG 59]

Let me explain. You may remember from the K’s Away report my little tirade about the official that day. Mr Joe Ross of Chingford.

Shut That Fat Biffer Up

NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE
Att: 805

NORTHWICH VICTORIA – 2    [Cooke 50, Owen 67]
SUTTON UNITED – 0

Well, that’s it folks. We’re back in the Ryman. Official.

They Only Need 10 Men

NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE
Att: 1548

STEVENAGE BOROUGH – 1   [Pearson 86]
SUTTON UNITED – 0

Another game, another defeat. Well, you didn't expect anything else did you?? We certainly didn’t.

Ryman Return Ever Closer

NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE
Att: 659

SUTTON UNITED – 0
MORCAMBE – 1  [Norman 66]

Story of our season really. A poor, narrow defeat in a game where we could easily have taken something and all our relegation rivals winning.

The Aftermath

NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE
Att: 460

SUTTON UNITED – 1   [Hutchinson 70]
SCARBOROUGH – 2   [Rennison 22, Brodie 39]

Match Reporter: Chalmers

Not many people were stupid enough to turn up for the aftermath of the Kingston debacle. (See, I wasn't so bloody stupid after all! - Taz).

A Night Of Shame

FA TROPHY SEMI-FINAL 2nd Leg
Att: 2309

Kingstonian - 6 [Luckett 12, 40, Simba 51, 64, Wingfield 70, Pitcher 85]
Sutton United - 0

Fucking hell. Well, where do you start? The match report on K’s Web described this as "The most amazing 90 minutes" in their history.

Forest ‘Green’ After This One

NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE
Att: 604

SUTTON UNITED – 3  [Hutchinson 38, Watson 36,81]
FOREST GREEN ROVERS – 2   [Bennett 27, Hunt 75]

They had to go and win it didn't they? Bastards.

Down & Out At The Bucks Head

NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE
Att: 1011

TELFORD UNITED – 2   [Martindale 34p, 69]
SUTTON UNITED – 0

Well, where do you start? At the beginning I s’pose. Sutton United all but surrendered their Nationwide Conference status at Telford’s Bucks Head ground on Saturday, turning in quite possibly one of the most toothless performances I can remember for some time. 

Relegation 6-Pointer No 39 In A Series of 42

NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE
Att: 985

SUTTON UNITED – 1   [Forrester 78]
WOKING – 1   [Steele 85]

Blah blah blah relegation 6 pointer blah blah blah must win blah blah blah didn't. Well you know the story by now. As the title says, we congregated at GGL for yet another game we had to win to keep alive our chances of actually retaining our Conference status next season. If it wasn't for the likes of Sheffield Wednesday, Watford etc we’d have a good chance of getting in the Guinness Book of Records under “Greatest Number of Relegation 6 pointers played in a single season”

90 Down, 90 To Go

FA TROPHY SEMI-FINAL 1st Leg
Att: 2384

Sutton United – 1   [Winston 4]
Kingstonian – 1   [Harris 78]

Well, we’d waited all week for it and when it arrived, we spent most of it shitting ourselves. We're a strange bunch eh?

Dealing (with) The Cards

NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE
Att: 2100

WOKING – 1  [Akrour 49]
SUTTON UNITED – 2   [Winston (Pen)51, Watson 53]

So, to our umpteenth relegation six-pointer of the season. But with a twist this time. Spoiler alert: We won this one!!  A decent performance from the U’s (at last!) got its just reward with an much needed and vital win. It was also the first time we’d met our ex-fave, Nassim Akrour, since his disappointing summer move to Kingfield. Naturally, the French wizard scored. But more of that later.

Rushden University of Football. Third & Final Lesson

NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE
Att: 2749

RUSHDEN & DIAMONDS – 4  [Butterworth 5, Burgess 39, Peters 51, Lowe 83]
SUTTON UNITED – 0

Well, that’s more like it eh? Just 4 days after dumping ol’ Rushden out of the FA Trophy on their own patch, we return to eek out our now familiar 90 minute long 3-points-surrendering ceremony.

U’s Polish Off Rough Diamonds

FA TROPHY QUARTER FINAL Replay - 14/3/2000
Att: 2785

Rushden & Diamonds – 1     [O.G. 86]
Sutton United – 3      [Winston 35, Newhouse 55 Ekoku 67]

Well bugger me. I’m not quite sure exactly where to start with this one!

That’s Knackered It

FA TROPHY QUARTER FINAL
Att: 1586

Sutton United - 1   [Winston 12]
Rushden & Diamonds - 1  [Rodwell 13]

What a shit draw eh? The ONE side we said we DIDN’T want in this FA Trophy Quarter Final was Conference champions elect and massive moneybags, Rushden. So, who do we get. Rushden of course! Arse.

We’re Grim Oop North

NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE
Att: 889

ALTRINCHAM – 3   [Timmons 46, Ellison 49, Russell 83]
SUTTON UNITED – 0

Match Reporter: Chalmers

Unfortunately, due to the other half’s birthday, ‘Ol Taz was unable to attend Sutton’s umpteenth relegation six pointer of this campaign. So, for the first time since October, Match report duties fell to fellow drunkard, Mr Chalmers. Here is his story.

Wembley Bound?

FA TROPHY 5th ROUND
Att: 1200

Sutton United – 2    [Winston 13, Newhouse 86]
Dover Athletic – 1    [Le Bihan 40]

This is getting a little out of hand. Whilst we languish at the bottom of the Conference, barely able to muster a goal let alone beat another bloody side, the FA Trophy appears to be a completely different proposition. Open, entertaining games with goals! (Ok, Canvey excepted).

Oh We Don’t Like To Be Beside The Seaside

NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE 
Att: 1395

SCARBOROUGH – 3    [Tate 10,90 McNiven 42]
SUTTON UNITED – 0

The longest trip available to us in the Conference and we just had this feeling that like many others, it would produce sod all reward for our presently Ryman bound heroes.

Ross The Boss

NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE
Att: 1527

KINGSTONAIN – 4  [Wingfield 5, 87 Crossley 47, Leworthy 85]
SUTTON UNITED – 2   [Winston 3, 30]

So another saturday afternoon and another defeat. This time though, we’re really in the shit.

Can We Play You Every Week?

FA TROPHY 4th ROUND
Att: 711

SUTTON UNITED - 3   [Brooker 25, Newhouse 41, Winston 62]
FOREST GREEN ROVERS - 0

Away from the trials and tribulations of the league campaign and back to the dreams of an appearance at Wembley in the FA Trophy.

A Lack Of Bite

NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE
Att: 850

SUTTON UNITED – 1     [Hutchinson 58]
SOUTHPORT – 1    [Pell 47]

OK, the honeymoons over. Let’s take the rose tinted specs off and start facing facts. We are staring relegation in the face. Simple.

Same Shit, Different Game

NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE
Att: 2818

KIDDERMINSTER HARRIERS – 1  [Fluked It 51]
SUTTON UNITED – 0    

So after the shit sandwich dished up by the U’s on Wednesday night, we were looking for a 1000% improvement to simply prevent a bloody good hiding at Nationwide Conference leaders, Kidderminster.

County Cup Discarded

SURREY SENIOR CUP 1st ROUND
Att: 110

CROYDON – 2     [Bloke 80, Geezer 86]
SUTTON UNITED – 0                                                       

Typical, just when you think that Sutton’s recent bollocks form couldn't possibly get any worse. The lads just go and prove us wrong!

Treasure Island It Ain’t!

FA TROPHY 3rd ROUND
Att: 719

SUTTON UNITED – 1   [Winston 4]
CANVEY ISLAND – 0

After the U’s recent disappointing Conference form, I think it's fair to say we weren't exactly chuffed to be paired with Ryman Premier side Canvey in the Trophy. Currently sitting in the top 6 of our former home and boasting at least 4 ex-pro’s in their line up, this could have been a bit of a ‘nana skin for the U's to sidestep.

Bunch Of Tarts

NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE
Att: 2447

DONCASTER ROVERS – 1   [Kirkwood 23]
SUTTON UNITED – 0     

Sutton’s miserable recent form contiuned on Saturday with a disappointing 1-0 defeat at Doncaster’s Belle Vue ground.