Manly Handshake

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 206

BILLERICAY TOWN - 0
SUTTON UNITED - 1    [Fowler 12]

With the side performing slightly less spectacularly than a troupe of ill-trained gibbons recently, tonights trip to bottom club Billericay isn’t exactly our idea of fun. A win is desperately needed, not only to reverse our awful recent record, but as after this evening, we have another 2 week break.

Canary Caning

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 499

SUTTON UNITED - 0
HITCHIN TOWN - 3   [Dillon 19. Parker 35. Williams 89]

Wank, shit, pony, crap, bollocks, arse, cack, rubbish, toilet, piss-poor, shambles, joke, disgrace, kharzi, pants, shite, nonsense, toss, mickey mouse. I couldn’t quite decide which term to use to describe today's debacle against Hitchin, so I thought...

 “Bollocks to it, why not use ‘em all??”

Bump Of The Midgets

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 411

SUTTON UNITED - 1    [Watson 58]
BRAINTREE TOWN - 2   [Mooney 36. Forrester 75]

Despite saturdays defeat, fortunately the results around us went our way and we only dropped 1 spot to 15th. Otherwise we’d really have been in the shit. Not only in respect to making that Conference cut off, but relegation places wise as well!

'Orrible Urchins

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
Att: 502

HORNCHURCH - 3    [Stirling 8. Graham 76. Johns 81]
SUTTON UNITED - 0

Please note, due to the rather awful nature of this defeat, the ‘match’ part of this report will be somewhat brief. But, fear not, all the rest of the usual bollocks is all here.